The Weather (of Course)

The Weather (of Course)

Here's a collection of you-must-be-from-North-Dakota sayings dealing with the weather. A long list. Although not as long as the winter of 1997.
  • If you can walk on water without falling in . . .
  • If the idea of snow in June doesn't surprise you . . .
  • If you think of something other than the Bible when you hear the words, "The Great Flood" . . .
  • If you remember trick-or-treating in the snow . . .
  • If you think a light dusting of snow is anything under three feet . . .
  • If you are elated when "spring thaw" happens before June 1st . . .
  • If the phrase "a mite brisk (or chilly) outside" refers to a temperature that is ONLY -20 . . .
  • If you think "cold" is only a state of mind . . .
  • If you think "cold weather gear" means a flask of schnapps . . .
  • If you watch the weather channel and like it . . .
  • If you've scraped frozen rain off your car windows with a credit card or spatula . . .
  • If you drive your 4x4 around in a blizzard looking for stranded motorists . . .
  • If you keep Civil Defense candy from the 1950s in your car's winter emergency kit . . .
  • If you drive to town during a blizzard just to see if the weather man knows what he's talking about . . .
  • If, when you're looking down the snow-covered roads, you see the bright shining glow of your guardian angel, who is your husband in the snow blower . . .
  • If you consider the wind "calm" from 0-15 mph, "kinda breezy" from 15-30 mph, and "kinda windy" for more than 30 mph . . .
  • If you consider the temperature "OK" down to -10 F., "kinda chilly" from -10 to -20 F., "chilly" from -20 to -30 F., and "kinda cold" for more than -30 F. . . .
  • If you've ever said, "But it's a dry cold" . . .
  • If you have more miles on your snow blower than on your car . . .
  • If you've spent the last 15 minutes getting your child dressed to play in the snow only to have him tell you he has to go potty now . . .
  • If you design your Halloween costumes to fit over snowmobile suits . . .
  • If you know the four seasons--Winter, Still Winter, Not Winter, and Almost Winter . . .
  • If you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car . . .
  • If you find -40 degrees only a mite chilly . . .
  • If your husband thinks sexy lingerie is a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons . . .
  • If you've attended a formal affair, in your best dress, wearing your finest jewelry and your Sorels . . .
  • If somewhere in the state is a piece of frozen metal with bits of your tongue stuck to it . . .
  • If you can tell a North Dakotan, because he is always watching the sky . . .
  • If snow tires come standard on all your cars . . .
  • If you have ever been frostbitten and sunburned in the same week . . .
  • If you think "going up north" would be a great vacation, in January . . .
  • If your Easter bonnet had ear flaps . . .
  • If you think the first day of winter is the day your tongue first sticks to the clothesline pole . . .
  • If your new snowblower needs a major after one winter . . .
  • If you come in the house with a frost-mustache on your nostril hairs . . .
  • If you recognize the 4th of July as the only day of the year warm enough to light firecrackers without gloves on . . .
  • If the only visitors you had in January were the two snowmen in the front yard . . .
  • If your snowblower gets more affection than your wife . . .
  • If you wonder why other parts of the country complain about it being 20 F. in the middle of winter . . .
  • If you've ever been tenth in line at the car wash on a 50 degree day in March . . .
  • If a headbolt heater is on your list of things you can't live without . . .
  • If you say "headbolt heater" and even a two-year-old knows what you're talking about . . .
  • If the whole state doesn't shut down the minute there's a foot of snow on the ground . . .
  • If you're not afraid to walk across the lake in January . . .
  • If you can dig a 6-foot-deep hole when it's been 40 below for a month and there's 3 feet of snow on the ground . . .
  • If the forecast is for 60 mph winds, 3 feet of snow, 60 below wind chills, and the highway is full of people from any small town going to any big city, even if it's 120 miles, just to shop, or for the absolutely necessary reason of attending a basketball tournament . . .
  • If it's below zero and you go outside with wet hair because you're late for school or work and you don't want it flat when you get there . . .
  • If you're over 70 and wear long johns year round . . .
  • If you consider any temperature above 32 F. a heat wave . . .
  • If you talk about studs and everyone knows you're not talking about men . . .
  • If you go to Miami on vacation in July and take along a jacket just in case . . .
  • If your home town has ever had the nation's high and low for the exact same day . . .
  • If you take a trip to the deep south and people see your license plate and ask you if you live in an igloo . . .
  • If you run your furnace at least once during every single month of the year . . .
  • If you don't think it's cold unless your eyelashes stick together when you blink . . .
  • If you don't think it's cold unless your nose hairs stick together when you breathe . . .
  • If you say, "It must be a nice day, it's above zero" . . .
  • If you leave your car running, even in cities . . .
  • If you get excited when it snows in Seattle . . .
  • If you check the condition of your winter boots in August . . .
  • If winter comes while you are still waiting for summer . . .
  • If you have ever worn snowboots to your high school prom . . .
  • If you wear your fake fur coat to the beach on the 4th of July as a cover-up . . .
  • If you have two seasons, winter and the 4th of July . . .
  • If when the wind blows 20 miles an hour, it has died down to a breeze . . .
  • If you can't remember a day out of school because of weather unless you were COMPLETELY snowed in--at least 1/2 mile either side of your house . . .
  • If you had to tie a rope from the house to the barn so you wouldn't get lost in blizzards . . .
  • If you have a special appreciation for snowmobiles, which were your only transportation for groceries at times--yours or a good neighbor's . . .
  • If you go to buy a pickup and the front snow plow is considered standard equipment . . .
  • If you know that the Prize Patrol is not going to wade through the snow drifts to your house . . .
  • If you're the only person in Boston with an electric plug hanging out the front of your car . . .
  • If you don't shave your legs for nine months to keep warm . . .
  • If you think snow is supposed to fall horizontally . . .
  • If you describe July as the worst sledding month . . .
  • If you bring your winter survival kit to the 4th of July picnic . . .
  • If you get out your long johns on the 4th of July, wash them on the 5th, and put them on on the 6th . . .
  • If you see an electric cord hanging from the front of a car and don't automatically think that it's an electric car . . .
  • If you think you got an early start on the golf season--in June . . .
  • If you golf with an orange ball in September to see it better in the snow . . .
  • If you have whitecaps in your birdbath . . .
  • If when the temperature gets up to 20 degress without wind, you still put on a coat but don't button it and don't bother with the hat or gloves . . .
  • If when the temperature gets up to 40, you break out the picnic supplies . . .
  • If you can't tell whether the snow blowing horizontally past your window is new snow or the old constantly being relocated . . .
  • If white is the color or your world 6 to 7 months a year . . .
  • If there is no question of having a white Christmas; the question is whether you'll have a white Halloween or Easter or even Memorial Day . . .
  • If vehicles have little plugs coming out the front, and motors are left running while you do your grocery shopping . . .
  • If you name blizzards . . .
  • If it takes you two years not to walk stooped over (from walking into the wind) after you leave the state . . .
  • If you had your graduation postponed by a blizzard . . .
  • If you have ever mistaken the sun for a UFO . . .
  • If you've always assumed a weather forecast had to include the word "cloudy" . . .
  • If you've ever gone trick or treating in a snowmobile . . .
  • If you remember breaking the ice on the water pail to get a drink of water in the early morning . . .
  • If you remember warming your front side, your back side, and repeat, by a wood heater . . .
  • If seasonal temperature fluctuations are similar to those experienced on the moon . . .
  • If you carry an ice scraper in your car year-round . . .
  • If you're used to watching a ten-minute weather report on the evening news . . .
  • If you constantly complain about the cold weather, but never move south . . .
. . . then you must be from North Dakota.